~ RaNDom raNDom ~

Hye hye blog ku...miss me ? Kihkihkih..di tengah tengah pagi buta cikyaa mengupdate blog sambil membuang sawang2 yang ada di blog...xyah tnye..cikyaa mmg sehat...hehehe
So wat to write on..hurmmm hurmmmm....mari mulekan dengan students..
Kelas semalam cikyaa exhausted sgt...so untuk pertama kalinyee cikyaa masuk kelas duk diam tnpa celoteh....cikyaa x celoteh? Haaaa pelik gamaknyee..tapi itu la hakikatnyee...nsb baek one period lesson je...semalam cikyaa xngaja sebab duk siapkan action research...sesuke hti je xngaja kan? Hehehe...so msuk kelas lepas cuti seminggu...dn xngaja..dn senyap...membuatkan students sy xkeruan..dan xsemena mena..jejaka kachak aka pakwe kontrak 4 bulan itu berkerumun keliling cikyaa...soklan pertama...'ticer okey ke x ni?' N cikyaa jawab okey sepatah..then diorg bt keje laen..lepas tu mai lgi..'ticer..ticer muke stress ticer duk bt pa?' N cikyaa jawab..bt keje ckit..lepas tu dtg lgi..'ticer btul ke x belaja hri ni..mcm pelik ja?' Cikyaa jawab..ye btul..rehat je hri ni..pastu lame ckit..'ticer..sebenaqnya xbest la ticer diam cmni..selalu ticer duk hingaq smpai loceng bunyi..ticer xseronok ka jmpa kami?' Terus cikyaa ttup laptop n tongkat dagu...'sebenaqnya ticer letih ja.xdak marah pa pun' lepastu sembang ngn diorg smpai abes loceng bunyi..n mcm bese dorg duk maen tab ticer dorg siap bukak utube tnjuk lagu cinta...so cikyaa senyum la sorg2 belashing ade students sweet semua...mekaseh anak2 for making my day..everyday...oh ye..cikyaa siap ade grup wechat ngn students form 3...kahkahkah !

okey..cerita kedua..cuti...
Cuti xde ape yg bes..xsmpat nak jalan2..n cikyaa lepak rumah..bukak keje..tp xsiap2...yg penting..cikyaa pulun lepas gian memasak..beslaa..n ibu dh yakin bgi anak die masak ikan patin..cikyaa bangga riak takabur sume ade..hahaha...nauzubillah..maen2 aja...kihkihkih..durani as usual..masih lgi gedik manja santai...cuti ni jugak cikyaa telah sekaligus habiskan baucer buku...hanya untuk adik2 tercinta...punah harapan aku nk beli mcm2...siyes hancur bederai bile buku diorg semua tu bernilai 200 hengget...oh ye..cikyaa beli quran baru..dan ibu jeles die nak satu...so due quran baru..hehehe...semoga cikyaa masih konsisten wlupun busy skrg...

Okey..cerita ketiga...ibu..dan mr.F
Ibu tu mane sah hidup die nampak cikyaa xsebutbsal kawen...membongakkk bak kate oghang nogori...dan seperti dijangka..terbukak la isu mr.F secara berdua mase tu..so cikyaa malas nak ulas..tpi secara senangnyee...ibu pun entahla ea..die dah mcm terime pulak...tapi skrg ni..cikyaa n mr.F xde sentuh pape isu lgi...tpi at lis one thing from parents aspect xde isu dah...skrg mngkin jus between me and him..as for now..yea..he is always be with me..everyday...and i would say thank u mr.F for ur time although u r busy...but still..we have a hole in between...still we r friends..and i bet either u or me..both are not ready to touch anything yet...cume satu bende yg cikyaa risaukan...ibu mrF tu terlalu tinggi berharap sedangkan anaknye belum tentu setia...how would it be? Cikyaa tak pernah percaya..ataupun beharap...ape yg cikyaa buat sekarang hanya la follow the flow..and what the only thing i hope...u just need to trying damn hard to be u..the only u..so that the 'u' that u have found again will convince me for the situation that is going on...kepada acik aka ibu mr.F...walaupun terlalu awal untuk acik beli tanah and even dah beli pun..and plan for ur son and me..for our house..i hope acik realise that sometimes things do not come as we planned..kalau cikyaa cube lembutkan hati pun..tapi ur son dont really change himself..it will not happen..but for now..i can see him changing..its good for him..and i hope ianya berkekalan...dan for me..i will do my part..everyday praying..

For mr.F..hari ni awak xmsej saya..but i jus need to admit...jauh disudut hati sy..mmg sy ade rase rindu..sebab sy rase mcm mimpi..org lelaki yg sy first syg dlm hdup sy..ade semula dgn sy..after so many years being apart..how can i deny the feeling? But me myself is not being controlled by my heart..but my mind..although u r my first love..if..if..and only if..u spoiled this second chance..no more chance that u will get for the rest of ur life..because in my life..i believe that people deserved a second chance and it is what im giving u now..think and act smartly...:) 

Bye world...

~cuti vs students ~

Hari ni last day sebelum cuti..

Obviously i will miss my sweet romantic form 3 students...

While my friends are talking about being disturbed by male teachers...and getting many young male teachers...

But i am famous with issue that im in love with students...well my friends said..'its rare' but like they always said..'its a common thing for me to look weird'....

U know how blushing u are when u have a really sweet romantic students? Oh yea..i will be a wonderful girl to have more than one 'boyfriend' for these four months..

Its like u dont even care for not having a 'real bf' actually...when i go back from school...i started to miss them..even they have created a wechat group for me..this post referred both for male and female students..but obviously more towards male students...hehehehehehe...

It just great to have them welcoming me each time i enter their class...

Surrounding me each time i sit on the chair...

Checking my phone and asking about my things...

Feel jealous when i talk more to particular students...

Give me some small foods using their own money...

Running from the lab to their class just because it is my class that they will be having next..

Acting out with me when my lecturer was going to observe...

Notice that i am nervous while waiting for the lecturer...

Calming me down by giving me some jokes..

And...give me flower like i am being proposed...

Oh God..they are just form 3 students but i know i am being loved...

They remember what i wore yesterday...

They notice the eyeliner at the eyes...

They notice me exchanging shoes...

They notice u are wearing different colour of lip balm...

They notice my new bag...

They are damn observant and concern..arent they?

each time i have to teach their class..its like i am heading to someone that will hug me...

Each time i have to enter their class...its like i am walking to the people with lots of love...

And even each time i passed by their class and there is a teacher inside the class...they will b waving at me silently..g

Dan yg paling penting...

My boys are taller than me...aura 'bf' tu ade la ckit sebab kite rendah...

Kahkahkahkahkahkahkah...

So..now i am in a relationship with my students and it is official..yippiii~

~ God's Willing ~

Hye morning my dear blog....cikyaa tengah siapkan proposal tpi tibe2 cikyaa headache and nak menaip cnie...sorry la xberape nak tengok sgt blog...nnti cikyaa cuti seminggu tau...lagi la cikyaa lupe blog kejap...kihkihkihkih~

cikyaa malas nak bebel sal proposal tu...ni cikyaa nak citer sal anak kawan ibu cikyaa aka mr.F ni...

haritu die cntct cikyaa selang hari la jugak...sekarang kan..hari2 die contact which cikyaa dont even know die nak ape dan xnak tnye...sebb lau tnye mcm dh thu ape akan berlaku...so mencegah lebih baek dari mengubati..hakhakhak...

So die tegur la kat whatsapp...wadap wadap yaw..tpi die xdela tnye wadap cmtu...die mesti kaver sopan kan...cikyaa xtersentuh pun ngn sopan die tu...jahat cikyaa kan..tapi tu la..pengalaman mengajar...cikyaa macam xde nak hadap die sgt pun...kalau die anta balas la...lau die x anta cikyaa diam la..memang perangai cikyaa cmni pun..cikyaa prefer org tgur dlu...

Tapi kdg2 rase kejam...mungkin sebab die je selalu tegur cikyaa...tibe2 haritu die kate..

"Kalau rase nak tegur n anta chat..anta jela..boring2 ke anta je chat...lau free org balas la" 

Secara pendeknye die nak sruh cikyaa mulekan la conversation sekali sekala...kan? Xyah jawab takpe sebb mmg cmtu niat die...mungkin die rse xsedap die je kene tgur...but i just can say sorry...i cant make it...i prefer to only replying ur message rather than greeting u first...

Honestly i am awkward with the situation...after 5 years we were making our own path..how can u expect me to suddenly be as friendly as u want it to be...

And the most important thing...i dont even feel insecure with anything...u cheated on me several years ago and how can i give back my trust on u? 

Yea..maybe u think we can make it easy because u are the first guy in my life and i am the girl in ur life...but the fact u ever changed...and it might happen again rite?

how can i create a relationship when i feel insecure with u? Or is it because of ur mom? And u confident enough that u know me and my life..so u have no problem with that...maybe...but not for me..in fact although u have not started anything now...i have started to test u..because my opinion now is u cant stay longer being single...and let see how it goes..because if u have changed...u will fight for it...this is thr phase we are seeking for destiny not a temporary relationship...

But i am grateful that he has not touch anything on feeling so far...which i dont hope for it to happen within this short time...because if u dare to touch on relationship or feeling issue...i bet u are ready to bear the shoots..cause this time i will not allow it to happen easily...

2 times having a failure in a long relationship with two different persons..first for almost 3 years with mr.F and almost 4 years with mr.A..plus incapability to have someone that i really into...makes me tired of these things..cause i just stand tougher than before...it is just the matter of losing trust on people...im sorry...

So mr.F...gud luck in ur way to create a gud relationship with me and if u are my destiny that has been destined...in sha Allah im yours...=)

~ Panggilan ~

Hye n selamat petang blog..haaa...cikyaa dah bosan mengadap lesson plan n ape bnde2 ni..tibe2 cikyaa nak update tentang satu panggilan dengan my dearest mommy tadi...jommmm...

Y:assalamualaikum ibu...tongah buek apo?
I:kek tadika ni ha..siapkan makanan...napo tipon? 
Y:oh saje...ingt nak cakap ngn adik...tapi xpela..lupelak sanun weekend...
I:amboii..sampai lupo..pikir apo...
Y:xdo papo...ermm...ibu along nak tanyo..ibu ado jumpo kawan baek ibu tu ko baru2 ni?
I:napo? Tibo2 tnyo...xde pun...
Y:yeke? Sure?
I:napo?
Y:nape suddenly anak kawan baek ibu tu cntct along kt wasap?
I:oh..dio ckp apo yo? 
Y:xdo papo..tnyo kaba..and psal praktikal..and sembang2...2hari lopeh tu dio togo lgi kek wasap..and dio ckp kawan baek ibu tu sruh tnyo kaba...so anything ke ni?
I:kamu dah tebukak hati balik ke? Nak terime die balik?
y:along xde kate cmtu..jus wats happening? Nape tbe2 die cntct along...
I:hritu ibu jmpe kwn baek ibu tu kat kenduri..and kenduri kawen..dio ajak ibu tgok pelamin..ibu ckp la maleh nak pegi..pastu die ajak2..pegi la ikot die..and die tnye psal along skrg..ibu bgthu la along dh xde pape ngn si tutt tu skrg..pastu die ckp........
Y: ckp ape? 
I:die sruh ibu pujuk along...n die pujuk anak die...mungkin sebb tu bujang die tu cntct along kot...
Y:adoii ai..nape lak cmni...
I:ibu rsau die tu anak mak je...balik la dlu...klu die cntct layan mcm bese je..jgn mesra sgt dlu...balik umah dlu bru ckp psal bnde ni...kawan ibu tu beriye sgt...
Y:kisah kitorg lame sgt dh bu...putus dh betahun2 ..xkan die nak expect kitorg kawan balik cmtu je...
I: sebab tu la ibu kate layan mcm kawan dlu...tpi ibu ckp ibu xjnji pape sebb kputusan semua kt along...
Y:okey la..mgu depan cuti..see u next week...

Okey...panggilan yg bt cikyaa rase headache untuk smntara wktu smpai tetido..pastu boleh mimpi mamat tu anta wasap lak..mungek btul la..haihhh...huhuhuhu...

Kisahnye...dlu sebelum cikyaa dgn ex cikyaa...cikyaa ade bekawan ngn sorg mamat ni..dri msuk form 4...smpai almost 3 thun...mamat ni anak kawan baek ibu cikyaa...sekampung..n kitorg bnyk prsamaan...n mmg agak novel la care kitorg kenal..malas nak cter sebb dh lame sgt...nak pendekkan cerite..mamat ni brubah lepas msuk matrik..die kawan ngn gurl laen..pd mase yg same..ibu si mamat ni aka kawan baek ibu cikyaa..mmg nak cikyaa jdi menantu die..stu kg thu bnde tu..tpi bile anak die berubah aka curang la..kitorg break la..tp sebelum die msuk matrik..die mmg bgus sgt..anak sulung jugk..abg yg baek..anak yg baek..jus not a gud lover maybe...n lepas kitorg putus..die mmg kawan ngn rmai girls jugk...semua cikyaa thu..mklumlah..sekampung akak stalk fb..n cikyaa mmg ngn ex dlu tu jela..so bile sebelum ni..kawan baek ibu tu selalu tnye sal cikyaa tpi die xdpt nk kate pape sebb cikyaa msih lg dgn ex cikyaa...bile skrg cikyaa single..n kawan baek ibu tu rse hepi tahap gaban kot..so die sruh ibu cikyaa pujuk cikyaa untuk kawan ngn anak die balik...lepas putus kami mmg cntct as kawan lg...dn mmg every year akan wish besday each other...maklumlah due2 bulan september...skrg ni dh msuk tahun ke 5 kitorg lepas break...mesti la awkward kan? Dan how the mom expect me to trust her son again? So entahla..rse dilemma..tpi nsb baek si mamat tu x hntr chat hari2...setakat minggu lepas bru 2 kali die anta wasap...cikyaa harap die xkan tnye pape kt cikyaa berkenaan hal ni..sebb cikyaa mmg xnak pikir pape lg...huhuhuhu...tapi ibu mamat tu mmg baek..tu cikyaa tahu...really motherly person..cikyaa ngn mamat tu sebaya...so dri kami baby lg..ibu die dh pkir sal bnde ni...sebab die mmg besfren ngn ibu cikyaa...

The only question..perlu ke hubungan lama terjalin balik disebabkan parents? Ayuh la berbalik kepada Allah...:)

~ Its Valid ~

Assalamualaikum and morning my dearest deep corner of the heart aka blog...
Bangun pagi2 cikyaa tibe2 dapat tahu sumting yang selama ni cikyaa pikir2 je same ada akan jadi ke x...dan hari ni cikyaa tahu dh ianya valid olredi....wat shud i say? Nothing but put it aside and keep on walking...
Congratulations and have a bless... =)
With this post i end everything about the matter that i should not write or think anymore..

People will come to yourlife for some reasons...and i will not forget these reasons forever...

Morning world~ have a good day cikyaa~ 
# nak tarik selimut ke nak bukak utube # 

~ LiSteN ~

hye hye blog cikyaa~

mari kita mulekan post2 yang menarik hari ini...

oh ye..hari ni besday daddy cikyaa..mari kite wish ayah hepy bufday..

"jengjenjeng"

hepy bufday to youuu~

hepy bufday to youuu~

hepy bufday to dadyy~

hepy bufday to youuu~

sayang ayah selamanyaaa =D

okey..selain lagu besday tu...cikyaa baru jatuh cinta dengan satu lagu ni..kalau sebelum ni lagu macam kenang nasib kan? haa...ni bukan2...no no no no ~ hekhekhek~

fes cikyaa dgr lagu ni mase dalam kete kawan...tengah menikmati suasana padi yang tebakar kehitaman baq hang...mai la satu lagu ni berkumandang dari radio kawan...

pastu okey abaikan..sebab sekali je play xjatuh cinta sangat lagi...tibe2 kan..malam2 buat lesson plan rumet cikyaa pasang lagu kat lappy die gune speaker..tibe2 dengar satu lagu ni..lagu same tuuuuuu~

cikyaa pun mcm "eh eh eh..mcm pernah ku dgr lagu ni..tapi di mana ya" terus cikyaa terkam rumet tnye tajuk n retis yg nyanyi tu...

ape lagi..ceteka..ceteka..

~ www.4shared.com ~ kikikikiki~

lagu ni xde kene mengena ngn cikyaa pun..same mcm lagu feveret cikyaa tu.."like only a woman can" tu..xde kene mengena..just bagi cikyaa lirik nye meaningful dan kene dengan rentak yang membuatkan jiwa cikyaa merasai perasaan retis yang nyanyi tu..*knon feeling lebeh* lol~

lagu ni pun lirik die best sgt..walaupun xkene mengena tapi bile dengar lagu ni macam boleh rasa kesedihan si teruna tu..tapi padan muka teruna tu jugak la kan...mesti sebok tanye kenape kan? haaa..jomm tengok lirik die sendiri..fahamkan sendiri..cikyaa malas nak terangkan ni...=D

jojojojojommmm~

okey goyang badan selo selo sambil dengar lagu selo ni...jangan hangguk2 kepala lak..xsesuwaii...=D

alamak...exam dh nak abes..kene g kutip paper la...ayuuuhhhh~ 

popeyeee~

~ thanks Allah ~

Hye blog....fes taim ni cikyaa update blog gune tab kitee...wewitttt ckit...hakhakhakhak...so blog ape kabar? Lame x menaip kan...almaklumlah..bile cikyaa dh xbape nak sehat...susah la nak update kan...kekekeke...so tajuk post hri ni...seperti yg tertera di atas...
We thank God for many reasons...for life..for time..for chances..for presents..for luck..for money..for car house and many2 things...but now..i would like to thank Allah...for my tears...

First of all i would like to thank Allah for the instinct that Allah has given to me..

The instinct that leads me to many answers...

The instinct that helps me in analysing something...

The instinct that accompanies me whenever i feel like cursing myself...

The instinct that stopping me from always looking good about people and

The instinct that making me stand strong for now..yea..not that strong enuf when you keep on going to see few things that make u bleeding inside..

The instinct that guides me to the path that i never want to yet it is the best for me...

Secondly i would like to thank Allah for giving me many kinds of signal...signal for doubt..signal for answers..

Mom ever told me..the closer we are to some people..the stronger the tests will be...

Now i am experiencing it..

Am i happy with the situation? Just a hell no okey..

Now it is about the matter of positiving ur heart by avoiding anything and everyone...

Am i angry? Just a hell no okey..

Now its about giving the time a right to decide everything..

Am i needed to fix anything? Just a hell no okey..

Now its about caring ur heart more than anybody and anything..

What should i do? 

Just keep quite..live my life as usual..hide everything that distracting us..cause nobody has a right to complaint on our action because nobody is standing in our shoes..saiz kasut laen2 kan..kekeke 

There is a stage where people will curse their own kindness..when people think that u are easy to be eaten..they will just treat u as what they want..being childish is my weakness..yet my strength..i am strong in my own way..yet deep in my heart..i miss all the previous life...

Being ignorance is my bad side..but now i know..the ignorance that makes me safer before..when i tried to improve on the ignorance...i met many people..get to know more..but it seems tested me more...while during previous time..i can fit in with everyone without having something to think of...when we closed more...love more..and..tested more..

Im trying to get my previous life back..slowly..and hopefully...i can get rid these things faster...

..love.friends.relationship.better..

Hope Allah eases everything

I love everything.everyone.but not for all reasons.it just because i dont jugde something for their few weaknesses but i concerned nore on the good things and deeds that the people have done throughout my life...:)

~ YangLebihKauCinta ~

hye blog :D miss me bebeh? muehehehehehe...cikyaa nak nyanyi lgi...jommm teman cikyaa...=)

Ku cuba untuk jadi yang terbaik

Namun ada dia yang lebih kau cinta

Yang lebih kau cinta

Namun ku akan terus berusaha(yang ni takde dah :D)

Untuk memenangi walaupun ku tahu

Kecewa jua akhirnya

Mengapa tak dapat aku memadamkan

Kenangan manis bersama mu

Bahagia yang aku harap-harapkan

Tak ingin aku rasa dipertandingkan

Sehingga diri diperbandingkan

Untuk selamanya

Ketika cinta ini masih lagi bertakhta

Selagi jiwa ini masih jua ingin dipuja

Katakanlah padaku di mana kekurangannya

Untuk kita bahagia berdua saja

Mengapa tak dapat aku memadamkan

Kenangan manis bersama mu

Bahagia yang aku harap-harapkan

Tak ingin aku rasa dipertandingkan

Sehingga diri diperbandingkan

Untuk selamanya

Bisakah aku jadi yang terbaik (x kan bisa dah)

Kerna ada dia yang lebih kau cinta

Yang lebih kau cinta

SEKIAN =)

~ DeJaVu ~

blog diam..nyanyi je..nyanyi je uhkey ~ =D

aku bukan lemah tanpa cinta...

hanya tidak mampu sendiri tanpanya...

biarkan aku..

menangis kerna derita...

dia hadir mengubatkan rindu...

mengajarkan aku...erti cinta...

namun semua...tidak seindah ku sangka...

dialah yang aku inginkan...

dia cinta yang ku dambakan...

namun semua...hanya tinggal mimpi...

terpisahnya cinta...

aku harus melupakannya...

aku harus memadam rasa...

namun hati...

tidak pernah mampu...

melepas kau pergi....

ooooooooo~

oooooooooo~

dialah yg aku inginkannnn...

dia cinta yg ku dambakannn...

namun semuaaaa....

hanya tinggal mimpi....

terpisahnya cinta...

setelah sedar dari mimpi....

harus ku terus hidup tanpamu....

kini ku pasrah...

segalanya tentang cinta...

# hari ni je entah bape puluh kali lagu ni kat telinga. kbai ~

~ WorDLeSS ~

Assalamualaikum and hye blog cikyaa ~ *cekcek papan hitam* :D
dear blog...i am tired pretending that i am damn okay...tired of giving away everything...and i am tired of everything...

wordless? 
"when I have been silent from typing and saying things...it simply means i am trying so hard to mend my broken heart" 

this is the reason why im wordless for everything. i just dont have any word, phrase or sentence to write anymore regarding the situation. i just need to have my own corner..sweet dark corner..to feel safe from everything rite now. I pity myself more and more..for feeling like a fool.

how can i recover? i am the type of person that will let go the anger within myself...i tend to swallow all the pain by myself cause i never learnt how to put my anger on people...i never learnt how to express what i feel or felt about something...and the weakness is killing me...nobody is at fault but the situation will never let me accept the situation as what it is...the only thing that I can do is be matured in handling the situation..dont let the emotion destroy any relationship..but still..let ur heart wins...we cant fit in the situation immediately...maybe like what i said earlier..just stay at your own dark corner...

meh layan lagu lagi...lagu paling sesuai untuk masa sekarang..:D

popeyee~

~ FinaLLy ~

hye my papan hitam :D 

jangan tanye ape cikyaa rase sekarang sebab cikyaa tak tahu nak jawab cmne..no no no~ namo tnye itew...cume one phrase to say..."my instinct is always my best friend" walaupun dah selalu instinct guide cikyaa ke arah betul..selalu lagi xnak caye instinct..seminggu tau perasaan cikyaa xsedap..mcm org dh nak mati gaya instinct tu..kuikuikui~ malam ni amek kaw...setepek kene kat muke sejajar dengan apa yg dirasakan dan difikirkan...i have got all the answer...so sekarang..jom nyanyi same2 cikyaa sebab cikyaa headache sgt dan xleh nak lelap mata...dari tadi cikyaa dgr lagu ni sorang2 ulang2...

mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku,

mengagumi tanpa dicintai,

tak mengapa bagiku, 

asal kau pun  bahagia dalam hidupmu....

dalam hidupmu...

telah lama ku pendam perasaan ini,

menunggu hatimu..menyambut diriku,

tak mengapa bagiku,

cintaimu pun adalah bahagia untukku,

bahagia untukku...

ku ingin kau tahu..

diriku disini menanti dirimu..

meski ku tunggu hingga hujung waktuku

dan berharap..

rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya...

dan izinkan aku..

memeluk dirimu kali ini saja...

untuk ku ucapkan selamat tinggal

untuk selamanya..

dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejap saja...

kalau rase tak tahu lagu ape..cikyaa pun lupe tajuk..cari la sendiri..okey popeyee~

melayan lagu dan jiwa